girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
