Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
