its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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