Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
