I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
