I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
