When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
