Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
