OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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