my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
