Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
