Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
