that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
