Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
