before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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