I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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