Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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