peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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