i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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