he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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