Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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