Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
