I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
