Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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