I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
