dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
