He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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