I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
