you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
