I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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