drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
