I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
