I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
should my penis look like a turkey
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
