Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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