I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
