I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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