I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
