Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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