How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
