eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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