you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
