In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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