Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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