I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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