Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
