I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
