There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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