How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
