That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
