he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
