Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
