And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
