i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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