Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
